MOUNTAIN TIME, THE LESSONS

I'm not a worldly man (other than being shaped sorta like a globe), so I often wonder if I'll be able to teach Zoe the things she needs to know. With that in mind, I present this business trip checklist for Zoe to file away for 20-some years:

1) Study your shoes. There's nothing more embarassing than getting undressed in a hotel room 16 hours after your day started and realizing for the first time that you're wearing two different brown shoes.

2) Select maps carefully. Don't use a placemat from a local mom-and-pop breakfast place -- really only meant to get you from the Phoenix airport to the Indian Trading Post in Scottsdale -- to navigate an unfamiliar major metropolitan area at night.

3) Know your itinerary. Nothing worse than requesting a 4:15 a.m. wake-up call, getting to the airport at 5:15 and hearing the words "Well, you're here early" from the boarding agent. Oh. The 6 a.m. flight is tomorrow morning? Damnit, I could have sworn it was today.