Feeding Time at the Zoo

You'd never imagine, based strictly on definition, that twins can be so dissimilar. And that's never more apparent than at feeding time.

Bottles? Mitchell will gulp down eight ounces in a flash, force out a satisfied belch and drift off to sleep. Alyse will play with the nipple -- alternately laughing, crying and screaming at your vain attempts to get her to drink. If you get three ounces down her throat before moving on to the next part of the struggle -- getting her to sleep -- it's a major parental victory.

Alyse, in turn, is significantly more interested in a variety of foods. And she'll typically eat more off a spoon than her brother, too.

But what motivated me to write this afternoon is their food eating styles. They're ridiculously contrary, to the point you doubt these kids were ever in the same house, let alone shared the same womb for nearly 40 weeks.

Here's my best attempt at a play-by-play description of this afternoon's lunch experience:

1) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

2) Turn to Mitchell, who looks like an ostrich ... his body turned and head bowed beneath the tray of his highchair, still looking for the toy he dropped three minutes ago that I didn't retrieve because it was time to eat. After four or five ignored verbal coaxings, I finally pull him up physically and try to wriggle a spoon in his mouth as he tries to look back at the floor.

3) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

4) Turn to Mitchell, who now has his finger in his mouth. I try several times to dislodge it with my "spoon hand," but fail. Finally put down the jar of baby food on his tray so I have a free hand to battle with. Immediately, he knocks the jar over. I'm convinced he had this move planned well in advance.

5) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

6) Turn to Mitchell, who has two-thirds of his bib in his mouth. Similar multi-hand jousting match ensues.

7) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

8) Turn to Mitchell, who shockingly is waiting patiently for a bite. As the spoon enters his mouth, he sneezes ... sending pureed sweet potatoes flying across the kitchen. Again, convinced he had this planned.

9) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

10) Turn to Mitchell, who has decided he'll do it himself. He gets the business-end of the spoon in a death grip, forcing sweet potatoes to shoot out from between each finger. "No thank you. I'll do it, buddy," you say. "Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr," he replies.

(Fast forward 40 or so spoonfuls and 20 or so new ways to make spoon-feeding a baby difficult... )

51) Turn to Alyse, who calmly opens her mouth for a spoonful of pureed sweet potatoes and welcomes them with a soothing "mmmm" sound.

52) Turn to Mitchell, who again appears to be waiting patiently for a bite. Put the spoon to his mouth, but he remains motionless. "You want any more, buddy?" No reaction. "Are you done?" Blank expression. "Are you playing statue, or what?" Finally, his hand slaps at my "spoon hand," sending it -- and pureed sweet potatoes -- across the kitchen. "So, you're done?"