NINE DAYS WORTH (Part 2)

Maybe this is a guy thing. Or maybe it’s only an insecure guy thing. But have you ever been in a situation where you felt totally out of place and useless? It’s happened to me plenty. Standing amid a bunch of guys looking into an open car hood, for instance. Or sitting on a bar stool between two friends reminiscing about a time before I knew them.

Never before and never again, however, will I feel more awkward and insignificant than in a delivery room. Every ounce of giddy anticipation was trumped by my inability to do anything to console the woman I love. Should I stroke her head? No. She hates that. Should I crack a joke? Probably not the best time. I know… I’ll hold her hand. How can this possibly be helping?

As I remember it, my lone role from 4:30 a.m. until “The Pushing” started at 1:30 p.m., was picking up a styrofoam cup from the bedside table and presenting it at a proper angle so Sonja could gently sip from it. A control freak reduced to water steward. Then the straw cracked, wreaking havoc with the intricate physics of straw functionality. My only responsibility was to provide the mother of my child with a drink of water every 20 minutes and suddenly it won’t reach her parched lips.

All the while, Sonja continued to amaze me. This isn’t husband hyperbole. Believe me when I say I’m not just throwing random words onto a page, hoping to draw an “awww, honey” from my wife. These three words were chosen very purposefully: She amazed me.

And the amazement didn’t start Sunday, April 24. It peaked that day, for sure. But it started in the nine months leading up to that day. The way she altered her lifestyle to help Zoe grow healthy. The way she watched her body morph and accepted it with little chagrin. The way she became more and more uncomfortable – eventually reaching the point of constant pain – without a single complaint.

I wake up in the morning with a stiff back and I’m an unbearable asshole (sorry Zoe, sometimes grown ups use bad words to stress a point). At nine months pregnant, Sonja was funnier and kinder and more loving than ever. Truly amazing.

Then it was time to push. Suddenly the calm, shy-ish, relatively passive woman I fell in love with transformed into a movie-screen gladiator. I’ve never witnessed such determination and effort and endurance.

Truly, truly amazing.